What if the GOP candidates were board games?

January 15, 2016

I thought I'd have some fun during the GOP debate. Ever wonder what the GOP candidates would be if they were board games? Here's what I think (in no particular order):

 

BEN CARSON: OPERATION 

 

 

 Ben Carson, the former surgeon, would obviously be Operation if he were a board game. Carson’s campaign strategy is to be sure and steady and avoid any pitfalls on the side. A Carson presidency would be focused on “healing the nation.” Unfortunately, this healing may not include full healthcare.

 

 

DONALD TRUMP: MONOPOLY 

 

 

 

The brash billionaire and self-described “winner” Donald Trump would be Monopoly. He knows the rules of the game and willing to bend them to make “America Great Again.” Trump started out just like you and me with a small $1 million loan from his father and turned it into a great empire. He will do the same with America if he doesn’t totally turn everyone off first.

 

 

CARLY FIORINA: MASTERMIND

 

Carly Fiorina is definitely Mastermind. In the initial debates, she came off as a brilliant business woman who is strategic and calculated. As former CEO of HP, she knows how to break glass ceilings and seems comfortable as the only woman in the Republican pack. She touts herself as a “real leader” but can she be the face of the next President? She has shown Republicans she can play with the big boys, but the presidency is “not so easy to win.”

 

 

CHRIS CHRISTIE: HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS

This is not a fat joke. Chris Christie is Hungry, Hungry Hippos because he’s a fighter going up against some other big challengers. While he is fighting for his political life, he has vowed to be a fighter for the American people. “Telling it like it is,” Christie is in your face like a hungry hippo. And according to one online website, barbeque hippo ribs rank among his favorite foods.

 

 

JEB BUSH: TROUBLE

 

 

Jeb Bush would be the board game Trouble because his presidential candidacy is in serious trouble. Not only has he been dubbed the “low energy” candidate, even his own mother doesn’t want to see him in the White House. If Jeb wants to pop back into this race, he is going to need to make every campaign stop and debate count. So don’t count Jeb out. If history has taught us anything it’s this: never underestimate a Bush.

 

 

TED CRUZ: CANDY LAND

 

 

Ted Cruz is Candy Land because although the world he paints is fantasy, a lot of people still like playing along. Cruz, a tea party darling, shut down the government despite his own party’s objections, called the Obama administration an “imperial presidency,” and entertained congress with his own theatrical rendition of “Green Eggs and Ham.” If this “courageous conservative” hopes to become King Kandy, he will have to navigate through the Candy Cane Forest that is the Republican presidential field and avoid the Molasses swamp of the liberal media to win the hearts of America.

 

 

JOHN KASICH: GUESS WHO

 

 

John Kasich is Guess Who because he is not as well known to the public. Who is Kasich? He is a Republican Governor of the swing state of Ohio. His parents were democrats yet he is a Republican. He grew up Catholic yet now he is Anglican. He supported the Bush war in Iraq but also supported Clinton’s assault weapons ban earning him a “F” rating from NRA. One of his friends says he has an “independent streak’ which could make him a wildcard. Once Kasich is no longer a mystery to Republicans will they like what they see?

 

 

MARCO RUBIO: LIFE

 

 

Rubio is the board game Life because he seems to have one. His life is so busy he doesn’t have time to be bogged down with Senate voting. He is also so pro-life one of his Republican competitors has accused him of being too pro-life! Son of Cuban immigrants, Rubio has emerged from humble beginnings in hopes of being a winner in this political game of life.

 

 

PAUL RAND: MOUSETRAP

 

(Photo credit Funagain.com)

 

Of course Rand Paul would be Mouse Trap. As a Libertarian, his goal is to protect our liberties and avoid the large government mouse trap that is the Washington machine. Paul’s objective is to make sure Americans “don’t get caught” in the net of big government so he can unleash the American dream. The path ahead is treacherous since he has not been able to find the success his father had. And to win, he will need to succeed where his father has failed.

 

 

MIKE HUCKABEE: BIBLE TRIVIA

 

 

Huckabee would have to be Bible Trivia. If Huckabee had his way, America would look more like the theocracy of the Old Testament than the pluralistic democracy we are today. If you’d like America to return to the golden years of 33 A.D., back when life was good for Christians, then Huckabee might be your man. And if he does succeed in amending the consitutiton to the standard's of Scripture, we will all need to brush up on our Bible trivia. 

 

 

 

So, what this GOP contest really boils down to is this, which game would you most like to play for the next four years?

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